Reach Lesotho

The Fear of Fear

Posted on 07. Sep, 2010 by Natalie in Natalie

I recently met a woman who gave me a lot to think about.  Probably more than she realizes.  I met her completely by accident, and talked to her for no more than 5 minutes.  But ever since meeting her, I have come to change my attitude towards trying new things.  It’s not a huge change, but I think I am more conscious of my motives behind why I am trying, or not trying something new.

I don’t even know her name.  I met her a few Thursdays ago while I was lifeguarding.  It was almost time to close the pool, and I was tidying things up while the stragglers finished their lengths and headed home.  I noticed a sinking toy at the very bottom of the deep end, and I looked for a lane swimmer who could potentially grab it for me.  I spotted one, a lady who had been swimming for a solid half hour.  As she reached the end of her lane, I bent down and asked her if she could, please, grab the sinking toy.  For the first time in the short time I had been with her, the smile on her face faltered.  I tried to backtrack, not sure if I had offended her or if I simply had lettuce in my teeth.  She answered my questioning look with these words, which have been running through my head since:

“I’m afraid of swimming.”

Wait, what?  She’s in a pool, yet she’s afraid?  I was beyond confused.  For I am a person who runs from fears, never confronts them.  I make plans to confront them, but I never seem to implement these plans.  I run from spiders, snakes, dark places. And before me I had someone who went out of their way to ensure that they encountered their fear.  She explained to me that what she was most afraid of was not swimming.  Her biggest fear is having fears.  She told me that she went as far as joining a swim team, for the sole purpose of not letting her fear control her.  She then looked at the sinking toy, and looked back at me, and started apologizing profusely. 

“I’m really sorry.  Anything else I can help you with.  But if I go down there, you really will have to rescue me.  And I don’t think you want to have to do that.  I am so, so, sorry.”

I assured her that it really was no problem, and she went back to swimming lengths, and I returned to my watch over the pool, pondering what she had told me.  She has helped me come to a point that lululemon bags have been trying to get me to for years.  I finally understand the words, “do one thing a day that scares you” that are plastered on every single bag they manufacture.  You cannot let your fears control your life. 

Since I came to this realization, before I decide on whether or not I want to do something, anything, I ask myself if fear is a factor in my decision.  Obviously, I’m not going to start jumping off cliffs, but I feel that I have learned a very important lesson.  I hope that I will meet this woman again, soon, because I want to thank her.  She really has had more of an impact than she realizes.

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